The first several months after Keith passed away was really a blur and very painful to say the least. So many people asked what they could do to help, so many people told me to just call them if I needed anything. The problem with that thought is that I was so deep into my grief, I didn’t know what I needed. I couldn’t even make everyday normal decisions that I needed to make. So many people though, are very well meaning and truly want to help! I have three easy ideas to get you thinking about what you can do for the person in your life who’s grieving.
As soon as my cousin got my text that there were complications and to please pray, she got in the car to be with me. One of my best friends, when she found out got her kids out of bed, put them in the car, and drove almost an hour just to come to hug me. She had very few words for me, but we stood outside with her sleeping kids in the car, we hugged and cried. I thanked her for coming, she said “you guys are my family, I couldn’t not come.” Over the next several days, so many of my friends showed up with flowers, with food, or simply to sit on the floor with me and Charlotte and just be with me. The first thing you can do for the person you love who just lost someone is to simply be present. You don’t have to say or do anything, just let that person know that they are not alone.
My next idea of what you can do for the grieving is to start a food train for them. I can not even begin to tell you how many people said, “if you need anything, just let me know.” The problem is that being that deep in grief, the person has no clue what they need! If you don’t do a meal train, great! Get on Pinterest and look up freezer crockpot meals, make a few frozen meals and take them to that person. I had such a hard time cooking anything in those first several months after he had passed. It was very overwhelming for me to think of what to eat, so we ate cereal a lot before the meal train was set up. A couple of things to think of when preparing food for someone; consider food allergies or special diets, also think of things that would be common repeat meals, and try to think of something else.
My last thought for this post, instead of asking what you can do for the person, look around at what you’re doing at your house, and just assume that the same things need to be done at this person’s house too. If you’re mowing your grass and you have the availability, go mow your friends’ grass. If your gutters need to be cleaned out, chances are that theirs needs it too. If you have a few hours on a Saturday, go and clean their house for them. Sweep, vacuum, do the dishes, mop, dust, etc.
Being able to have ideas on what you can do will take a lot of pressure off the person who is mourning. People are so well-intentioned and want to help, but often feel like they don’t know what to do or how to help. The person they are trying to help has so much fog and stuff they are trying to process through, they have no clue what they need or how you can help. I hope these 3 things will help you!